A Quote From Henry Ward Beecher

"All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot."

Inconvenient Timing and the Golden Mean

What a beautiful day for the races it was. The sun was shining. It was neither hot nor cold. The smell of grilled burgers filled the air. There were literally dozens of hot women wandering around the track in their sun dresses and fancy hats. The scumbag regulars and well to do, once-a-year outsiders mixed genially. There is no event in American life that compares to Kentucky Derby day.

My buddy Nick just had two teeth pulled a couple of days earlier, so he arrived with a fresh container of Vicadin to ease his pain. He offered me one. I accepted it, broke it in two to offset the effects of the time release coating, and washed it down with a Budweiser. As I was on an empty stomach, I began feeling the benumbing effects of the drug fairly soon.

Rick arrive soon thereafter, and within an hour or so we had pounded a couple more beers and went off to the bleachers to smoke some chronic. When we returned, I enjoyed a nice Cohiba Nick’s fiancés mom had brought back from Mexico. I was really flying high.

But it turned out that, like Icarus, I was flying a little too high. The three of us were in the interior hallway at the track, surrounded by people, watching the preliminary events leading up to the Derby on an antiquated television. Just as the singing of “My Old Kentucky Home” was coming to an end, I was overwhelmed by a strong claustrophobic sensation which was coupled by an immediate cold sweat, shaking and the feeling my heart was going to burst. I immediately went outside and walked around in circles for a minute or two, breathing deeply and telling myself I’d had this feeling a million times before. (Which is true, but this fact never makes it any easier.) I tried to return to the simulcast, but came back outside again.

I returned inside once more, just as the horses were entering the starting gate. My panic had seemingly peaked, though I was still very high and shaken by the experience. I watched the race and even hit on one of my plays, garnering a one half return of my total wager. But the event had been somewhat tarnished by my adverse chemical reaction. I had obviously overdone it. And I felt stupid and just a little bit juvenile.

Derby Day Approaches

That’s right folks, our great national holiday is only a day away: the 136th running of the Kentucky Derby. This time tomorrow, I’ll be at the track on my way to a good drunk and reviewing, for the hundredth time, the field and odds for the race. No matter what happens with the results, a good time will surely be had by me.

As you well know by now, I’m a compulsive gambler. And if there’s one thing I know about compulsive gamblers, you should never take their advice on the subject of wagering. Nevertheless, I’m going to share with you, gentle readers, my current picks.

The race time favorite is going to be Looking for Lucky, a Bob Baffert trained entrant. Obviously, this horse has the pedigree and record that supports him going off at a mere 3 to 1. He also has the advantage of running in the first position. For a straight bet, however, these odds are simply too short to play, though you should consider this horse in any exotic wagering.

I see Dean’s Kitten, currently going off at 50 to 1 to be an interesting long shot wager. Though he did poorly on his only dirt race, last year’s Pilgrim, he has the ability to close late. If the race is tight and an opportunity presents itself, don’t be surprised to catch the Kitten coming down the stretch and hitting the board at a huge price.

I’ve always been a big fan of trainer D. Wayne Lukas. This is why I just can’t ignore Dublin, a chestnut colt. He has an excellent pedigree and is in the hands of the Derby master Lukas, which almost automatically makes him a threat. At 12 to 1, I’m going to get some action on this horse. If the price falls below 10 to 1, however, I may change my mind.

There you have it, degenerates. Now go out there and get your gamble on!

Anonymous Quote

"Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting."

Stay Lusty, Lady Love

In a sad piece of news for sex junkies in the fair city of Seattle this week, the Lusty Lady peep show on First Avenue announced that, after twenty-seven years of continuous operation, (That’s twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year) they would be closing their doors forever.

This hallowed hall of sexual delight was best known for the slogans it placed on its marquee. Phrases such as, “Happy Nude Year,” “Porn on the Fourth of July,” “Merry XXXMas,” and “Happy Spanksgiving,” adorned the frontispiece of the building for years, annoying prudes and amusing perverts, businessmen and tourists alike.

The ailing economy, local construction and, of course, the internet, were all factors that led to a steep decline in business for the Lady.

I visited this fine establishment once, in 1995, while a junior at the University of Oregon. The selection of performers ranged from fairly attractive to downright skanky, and were very comparable to the quality of girls featured at the San Francisco location. But with a pocketful of quarters and a bottle of booze swishing around in my gut, I enjoyed my experience thoroughly, escaping, for a brief moment, the worries of my undergraduate existence.

Lady, you will not be forgotten.

Drinking Linked to Less Weight Gain in Middle Aged Women

I found this article on Medical News Today. The author is Catherine Paddock, Phd.


A new study from the US found that normal weight women in their 40s and older who drank a light to moderate amount of alcohol gained less weight and had a lower risk of becoming obese and overweight compared to their non-drinking counterparts.

The researchers, from the Brigham and Women's Hospital, and the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston, Massachusetts, have written about their study in a paper published online in the 8 March issue of Archives of Internal Medicine.

At 7 calories per gram (equivalent to 199 calories per ounce), alcohol is potentially a significant source of dietary calories, and more than half of adult Americans are alcohol drinkers. Meanwhile obesity is approaching epidemic proportions in the US, yet evidence on the extent to which alcohol consumption contributes to this public health crisis is patchy, suggested the authors.

For their prospective cohort study, which was sponsored by grants from the National Institutes of Health, lead author Dr Lu Wang, of Brigham and Women's Hospital, and colleagues examined data from 19,220 women living in the US who were aged 39 and over, had no traces of cardiovascular disease, cancer, or diabetes, and whose body mass index (BMI) was in the range classified as normal (18.5 to less than 25). BMI is calculated as weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared.

At the start of the study the women filled in a questionnaire that asked them about their daily alcohol consumption. After that they filled in questionnaires about their weight every year for an average of 13 years.

The results showed that:
At the start of the study, 38.2 per cent reported drinking no alcohol, 32.8 per cent reported drinking less than 5 grams a day, 20.1 per cent reported drinking 5 to less than 15 grams, 5.9 per cent reported drinking 15 to less than 30 grams, and 3 per cent reported drinking 30 or more grams of alcohol a day.

Over the 13 years of follow up, the women's average weight went up steadily.

41.3 per cent of the women became overweight (BMI of 25 or more), and 3.8 per cent became obese (BMI of 30 or more).

After adjusting for potential confounders like baseline BMI, smoking, other calorie sources, exercise, and other lifestyle and dietary factors, there was an inverse association between the amount of daily alcohol the women said they drank in their initial questionnaires and the weight gained over the follow up.

Compared with women who did not drink at all, those who consumed some but less than 40 grams of alcohol a day had a lower risk of becoming overweight or obese.

Women who drank 15 to less than 30 grams of alcohol per day had the lowest risk, which was nearly 30 percent lower than that of their non-drinking counterparts.
The authors also looked at four types of alcoholic beverages and found the links to be the same for all, with perhaps the strongest being for red wine.

They concluded that:

"Compared with nondrinkers, initially normal-weight women who consumed a light to moderate amount of alcohol gained less weight and had a lower risk of becoming overweight and/or obese during 12.9 years of follow-up."

However, the authors stressed that given the potential medical and psychosocial problems of alcohol consumption, recommendations about its use should be made on an individual by individual basis.

They also suggested more studies are needed to find out the biological mechanisms of the role played by alcohol in energy metabolism, and whether any physiological and genetic factors are involved.

Marching Orders

I’ve been so remiss in maintaining this blog lately, and I’d like to extend apologies to my loyal readership. Most of us know the pernicious yoke of wage slavery, and I am unfortunately no different. I’ve been working like an ant lately and have been slacking off on my myriad other duties to society and myself – including nurturing and developing my functioning addiction. And while this period of intense labor is apparently going to continue for another few weeks, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Soon, very soon, to return: the time to dance.